Why “Be Yourself” is NOT Good Advice

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“Be yourself,” we are told. There’s just one problem. What if we’re not good enough?

Whatever you are right now, whatever it is that defines you, was created by you. You took what God gave you and made yourself into the person you see in the mirror.

As long as you continue to be that person, you will continue to produce the same outcomes.  Be yourself only if you don’t want anything to change in your life.  If you want something better, however, you need to change.

If you want to be a better lawyer, you need to improve your skill set. If you want a bigger income, you need to change your habits and attitudes and activities to match the income of someone who earns what you want to earn.

You can’t say, “When I earn more I’ll change.” It doesn’t work that way. Change comes first. You can’t change your future until you change your present.

How do you change?

You read good books. You study them. You apply what you learned.

You associate with people who have what you want. You listen to how they speak and look for insights into how they think. Most of all, you watch what they do and you emulate it.

You get help. A mentor, coach, or accountability partner. A mastermind group.

You master the mundane. You practice. You get better and better at what you do.

As you become better, you attract better opportunities. Because you have grown, you’re able to capitalize on them.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t go from earning six figures to earning seven figures in a few months. But in a few years, you can accomplish just about anything.

But only after you stop being yourself and start being the person you want to become.

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Thinking outside the box: what it means and why we need to do it

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Human beings live inside a box, the walls of which are comprised of our beliefs and habits. (For the record, lawyers live inside two boxes. In case one breaks.)

Our beliefs and habits protect us from harm. They help us avoid dangerous situations and make decisions that mitigate risk. They also make our lives more productive and less chaotic. Once we have found the love of our life, for example, our belief in monogamy keeps us from looking elsewhere. (Okay, we may look but we don’t touch.)

Our beliefs and habits our foundational to how we govern our lives and by and large, they serve us well. But if they are too rigid, they keep us from growing. In the context of marketing legal services, for example, our old beliefs can cause us to fall behind our younger, less constrained competition.

The world is constantly changing. We must be aware of, and responsive to, those changes. We must be prepared to try new things and learn new skills, and update the old ones.

But how? How do we get outside of our comfort zone?

With some things, we just do it. We pick up the phone and make the call. We show up at the meeting. We write the report.

With other things, we need some preparation. So we read about them and talk to people who are doing them. We make notes and jot down ideas. And then, we try something.

We start with something small and easy. We dip our toes into the cold water. Once we get used to it, we jump in. Or, if it’s harder than we imagined, we wade in. Eventually, what was once scary and difficult is familiar and easy. What was once firmly outside of our comfort zone is now comfortably inside.

But there are some things that are so far outside of the box we can’t imagine ourselves doing them. They are too difficult, too risky, or too far away. What then?

The first rule of change is having the desire to change. If you’re happy where you are and don’t want to try anything new, despite the possible rewards, then be okay with not trying. You can’t change if you don’t want to change. But if want something better, admit that you do.

Second, you must be willing to do the work associated with that change. That means being willing to invest time, physical effort, and money, in new things. Of course that means you will probably have to re-allocate resources from things you’re currently doing. There are only so many hours in a day and you only have so much energy.

Finally, and most importantly, you have to be willing to undergo the emotional transformation that takes place by thinking and doing things that challenge your existing habits and beliefs. That’s the hardest part of thinking outside the box, and why most people don’t do it.

Change is emotionally difficult. Giving up old beliefs and ingrained habits, learning new philosophies and methodologies, are the very essence of personal growth. This is the hardest part of the journey. And it takes place outside of the box.

Do your clients pay you on time and in full? If not, you should learn how to Get the Check.

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