Okay, so you know the simplest way to start a conversation with a stranger is to ask a question or pay a compliment.
What do you say after that?
You know you shouldn’t talk about politics, religion, or sex. What’s left?
Here are four “safe” topics that can help you keep the conversation going and allow you to build rapport.
You can remember these four topics with the acronym, F.O.R.M.
F is for family.
Do they have kids? Are they married or in a relationship? Do they have a crazy uncle?
People like to talk about their family but you have to be careful about how you bring up the subject. You don’t want to ask too many personal questions when you first meet. The best way to find out about their family is to start talking about your own.
Mention something interesting or funny one of your kids did recently. Talk about something you and spouse like to do together. Tell them something your brother told you recently. You can then ask if they have kids or like to do what you and your spouse like to do.
O is for occupation.
Ask them what they do for a living. If they are college age, ask about their major or future plans.
When they tell you what they do or plan to do, comment on it. Tell them something you know or heard about their field or tell them about someone you know who does something similar.
You can then ask them what they like best about their job or business or how they got started.
R is for recreation.
What are their hobbies? What do they like to do for fun? You might ask, “What do you like to do when you’re not working?”
If you’re in a sports bar or the other person is wearing a jersey for their favorite team, you can ask if they go to the games or who their favorite player is.
If you don’t know anything about their sport or hobby, ask them what they like about it or how long they’ve been doing it.
M is for motivation.
What do they dream about doing? What drives them? What is their long term goal?
Getting someone to tell you about their dreams and goals is one of the most valuable ways to get to know them and bond with them but it can be difficult to get a stranger to open up to you. Therefore, start with one of the other rapport-building topics and look for clues you can use to ask about their dreams.
If they’ve told you they don’t like what they do for a living, you can ask what they would like to do instead. If they’ve told you their hobby is sky diving, you could ask if they know any professional sky divers and then ask if they’ve ever thought about doing the same thing.
Get people talking about themselves. I guarantee they’ll enjoy talking to you.
When you ask people what they do, they usually ask what you do. Be prepared to tell them
