Actually, I’m fine. Just singin me some Beatles and thinking about how difficult it is for folks to ask for help. It’s an ego thing. We don’t want to appear weak. So we don’t ask, and when help is offered, we often turn it down.
But people want to help. It makes them feel good. I know this because I know how good it feels when I help others.
So we should ask each other for help more often. It’s good for them and good for you.
You can get just about anything you want just by asking. You can ask your clients for all kinds of help. You can ask the readers of your newsletter, personal friends, professional contacts, anyone, including strangers.
What do you want? Whatever it is, someone can help you get it.
- referrals
- information
- advice
- introductions
- copies (forms, letters, checklists)
- recommendations (products, software, books)
- time (as a volunteer)
- testimonials
- someone to talk to
- donations (to your cause)
- write a guest post or allow you to write one
- invite you to their next networking event
- speak at their event
- pass out your cards, reports
- feedback
- mentoring
- Likes, Re-tweets, and Shares
- a ride to the airport
Just about anything.
Time out. Take a break. Sing along with me and the Fab Four:
When I was younger,
So much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s
Help in any way
But now those days are gone
I’m not so self assured
Now I find, I’ve changed my mind
I’ve opened up the door
Help me if you can,
I’m feeling down
And I do, appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me
And now my life has changed
In oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then
I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you
Like I’ve never done before
Okay, you may need some help asking for help. You’re out of practice. You haven’t asked for help since you needed Mom to tie your shoes. How do you get started?
First, make a list of what you want. Big things, little things, and everything in between. What could you ask for? Write down as many things as you can think of that would make your life better.
Next, write down the names of people you know who could help you get the things on your list. Match people with tasks suited to their interests, strengths, and resources. (Later, when you get better at asking, you can ask strangers.)
Then, choose something, contact someone and ask for help. Be direct. Tell them why you’re asking them.
Compliment them if possible. Tell them you value their feedback or insights, or value them as a friend or client and know you can count on them.
Start with something small, and easy. Something that’s hard to turn down. Have them read something you wrote, for example, and tell you what you think. Or ask them to recommend a good movie. Be specific. “Would you introduce me to your life insurance agent?” is better than “Would you introduce me to some professionals?”
You start small to get used to asking. Get over your resistance and see that people are willing to help. See how good it feels when they say yes.
Later, you’ll graduate to bigger things. Eventually, you’ll get good at asking. And you’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to do.
You may also surprise yourself at how much you have to give others. When people do for you, you will feel obliged to do something for them. When you do, you’ll feel good about that. You’ll want to do more. The more you do, the more others will want to do for you.
And so it goes. Help begets help.
If you’re having trouble asking, start by offering. Call someone, find out what they need and help them get it.
Years ago, I read, “The Aladdin Factor: How to Ask For and Get What You Want in Every Area of Your Life” a book by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, the team that brought you “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and its progeny. If you’re interested in this topic and you like inspiring stories about people who experienced amazing changes in their lives by asking for help, you should pick up a copy.
Okay, now I’m going to ask you a favor. If you like this post, would you forward it to someone you care about? Thank you. I knew I could count on you. Now, what can I do for you?
