The language of the brain is pictures, sounds, and feelings. If I tell you I saw a pink turtle, your mind will process my statement by creating a mental picture of a pink turtle. However, if I tell you that I did NOT see a pink turtle, you will still see a pink turtle. That’s because the brain can only process positive information. You can’t make a mental picture of NOT seeing something because the brain can’t process negative pictures, sounds, or feelings.
If you tell your child, “Don’t run across the street,” the message their brain sees is “run across the street.” You have planted the visual image of them doing the very thing you don’t want them to do.
Sure, as adults we have the facility to translate the negation of a thought to its positive form, but the additional step involved in doing so means there is a lesser chance that the information you want to communicate will get through.
If you want to communicate more clearly, be conscious not to plant negative suggestions in others’ minds with the words you choose. Speak in the positive. Say “It’s a pleasure” instead of “no problem”. Use the words “Call me” instead of “Don’t hesitate to call.” Tell clients, “The trial will go smoothly,” and not, “Don’t worry about the trial.”
Tell people what you want rather than what you don’t want. Tell people what to do rather than what not to do. When you phrase things in the positive, you will communicate more clearly and you will get more of the results you seek.
There are exceptions, however, and you can use them to your advantage.
The title of this article (intentionally) tells you what NOT to do, and uses a negative, the word “mistake”. In this case, the title is meant to create curiosity or “mental tension” that can only be relieved by reading the article. The title doesn’t tell you what to do, the article does, and you are compelled to read it to find out.
Curiosity is a powerful motivator because our brains want to see what can’t be seen, to find the positive image it cannot see but knows is there.
