Why you should never tell your child, “Don’t run across the street”

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Yesterday, I talked about Yahoo’s misguided promise to not screw up their acquisition of Tumblr. I said it was a bad idea because it calls attention to their prior screw ups and because it doesn’t tell the world where they want to take the company.

The language of the brain is pictures, sounds, and feelings. Saying, “we promise to not screw it up” is a poor choice of words because people “see” you doing the very thing you promise not to do.

If I tell you I saw a pink turtle, your mind will process my statement by creating a mental picture of a pink turtle. However, if I tell you that I did NOT see a pink turtle, you will still see a pink turtle. The brain can only process positive information. You can’t make a mental picture of NOT seeing something because the brain can’t process negative pictures, sounds, or feelings.

If you tell your child, “Don’t run across the street,” the message their brain sees is “run across the street.” You have planted the visual image of them doing the very thing you don’t want them to do. Instead, tell them to “stay on this side of the street” or “look both ways twice before you walk across the street.”

Sure, as adults we have the facility to translate the negation of a thought to its positive form, but the additional step involved in doing so means there is a lesser chance that the information you want to communicate will get through.

If you want to communicate more clearly, be conscious not to plant negative suggestions in others’ minds. Speak in the positive. Say “It’s a pleasure” instead of “no problem”. Use the words “Call me” instead of “Don’t hesitate to call.” Tell clients, “The trial will go smoothly,” and not, “Don’t worry about the trial.”

Tell people what to do rather than what not to do. And please, tell them what you will do, not that you “won’t screw it up.”

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